This is my story

I am a survivor of a severe traumatic brain injury due to a fall at my home. Falls are leading contributors to brain injuries and I happen to be one of over a million people annually with head injuries. My injury caused three subdural hematomas which are bleeds in the brain. Doctors expressed to my family that the chance of survival, based on my condition, may only be twenty percent.

Early on the recovery process I found alcohol as a false sense of comfort. Later, I learned that abusing alcohol or another drug is not too uncommon for brain injury patients. Losing my lengthy corporate career, my life partner, my home, my community and my daily routine contributed to severe depression. I no longer spoke effectively , recognized simple objects, recalled words or even understand much of the use of punctuation. I was overwhelmed as it greatly wounded me both emotionally and mentally. Results were devastating as I was arrested for driving while intoxicated twice within 48 hours causing me to be charged with an E Felony which could provide prison time. Little would I know that my arrest on July 4th, 2012 would later become my Independence Day. I was immediately incarcerated in county jail for 108 days then released to a court mandated lengthy rehabilitation program.

A family member spoke with me during the initial incarceration informing me that bail would eventually be posted. I denied bail as I felt I was a danger to myself and society and I needed to stay jailed as well monitored.

During the early incarnation a rather large hefty inmate approached me with tears in his eyes. He mentioned his name was Tiny and he asked if I was able to draw something for him. I replied I didn’t know although I faintly recalled taking art classes many years ago while attending high school. I then asked why and he replied it would be a birthday gift for his six year old grandson. I thought it was odd that an inmate would make such a request but he managed to find a piece of paper and a pencil. His drawing request was that of a dragon which would then allow him to mail it to his grandson as a birthday card. As the pencil glided across the paper the dragon surprisingly began to form and the inmate started to smile while wiping his tears away. Unknown to me, the powerful symbolic energy of the dragon and its deeper meaning would surface again much sooner in my life many times yet even more powerfully.

More drawings were requested not only by inmates but correctional officers including the correctional cook. Officers would shuffle paper and pencils to me while creating artwork early morning until late night. I was referred to as “the painter” by the “sergeant on duty” rather than by my last name as all inmates were referred to by their last name only. Each evening, before being locked into my cell, I would place newly created drawings and many previous drawings onto aluminum cellblock tables in the common area. Inmates would lineup and slowly examine each drawing thoughtfully and intriguingly sparking conversation and promoting a bit of unity. Without realizing it my artwork became a gallery behind bars. In the future my intent is to share my incarcerated art portfolio to the general public once the narrative is fully written and published.

For unknown reasons, I felt it was important to mail a sample of my artwork to the County Magistrate as I was required to attend “drug court” every other two weeks over two years as part of a national mandate. While at court inmates and former inmates would stand before the Magistrate being questioned about daily personal progress. As I approached the bench, surprisingly to me, he began holding up my mailed artwork to the court audience which included the District Attorney, Assistant District Attorney, deputies, court staff, inmates, family members and others present. Holding up each piece he requested I speak about each one, what each one meant to me and why I created it. When I finished speaking to the silent audience he lastly turned to me and asked for advice as his 6 year old grandson may have an art ability. I was mesmerized that my drawings were now being shown live during County “Drug Court” and that the County Magistrate was asking for advice.

I now reflect back on the silence and solace I needed when jailed as I could be protected in quiet time and allow my creative abilities to be birthed and flourish. Feeling comfort within the silence of creativity became a form of prayerful meditation and healing without realizing it. My soul was connecting with the source of pure emotional creative energy and it was then that I understood I was becoming new again. I also recall from history that Martin Luther King wrote his most profound essay and found prayerful inspiration and solace when incarcerated in Birmingham Alabama.

During “Drug Court” graduation day the County Sheriff (Chief Law Enforcement Officer) as well as the County Treasurer both approached me, shook my hand and whole heartedly thanked me. They both shared that I positively changed the mindset of the entire court as well as the correctional facility staff and most importantly the inmates. Lastly, he personally reinforced to me that my incarceration was a life changing moment, not only for the inmates, the guards, the facility but also himself. He understood that positive creative energy reflected through the souls creative expression can go beyond and help heal and bring many together.